How to Stop Taking Feedback Personally


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Hi I’m Hillary and if left to its own devices, my brain does this little party trick of somehow making myself overly-responsible for every less-than-fabulous thing that happens in my orbit.

(Thankfully after a solid amount of coaching and therapy I’ve been able to cool off on absorbing accountability for every tiny thing that happens to and around me… but it’s a day-to-day grapple.)

Friend slow to respond, or ending all sentences with periods all of a sudden? I must’ve said something wrong and they must hate me now.

The dude at the bagel shop isn’t quite as bright eyed and bushy tailed as usual? Surely it was something I did last time I was in here that I don’t remember, and DEFINITELY not something totally unrelated in his own life causing it.

Just Call Me Chicken Little

And the ever popular (especially in my copywriting days): Client has some feedback about changes they want made? Wow, how very dare they… and also clearly I am garbage and can’t even do my job right OHGODIREALLYAMANIMPOSTER.

As you can imagine, this made the early days as a creative entrepreneur, and later course creator, coach, and creative director… devastatingly difficult at times.

My entire week could be ruined by a single line of not-great feedback, even if it was delivered as kindly/professionally as possible.

While I did my best not to let clients or colleagues know my body was actively contorting itself into a shame spiral at the slightest whisper of error, I’d kick myself for days that I hadn’t noticed or anticipated that issue, or that their idea hadn’t occurred to me on its own, or that I didn’t pick up on That Thing the client said in passing that was clearly so important.

This was due to a variety of factors of course.

Second, Third and Fourth-guessing Myself

An almost pathological desire to please…

An aggressive standard of excellence for myself…

A freakin’ enormous-yet-somehow-fragile ego…

And the bizarre belief that I, who surely Saw Things Differently, should be able to figure it out, anticipate needs, and find a way to get it exactly right every time.

(Narrator: due to the limited and chaotic nature of the human experience, she would never find a way to get it exactly right every time.)

But, of course, feedback is part of any field — part of sharpening your skills, getting better, and learning more about yourself, your industry and the people you serve.

So I had to find a way to roll with it… or I’d find a way to run myself over every. single. time.

Getting to Outcome Independence

Mercifully I’ve picked up a couple of tricks over the years of course, to separate myself from my work AND my feedback.

I think of it as finding a kind of “business neutral” space, where the success or failure of various projects did not automatically translate into my success or failure as a human being.

But it took work to get there. A lot of work.

The kind of work worth making an entire episode of #HAMYAW about.

Because really: who among us hasn’t felt immediately inclined to throw ourselves under the bus as soon as we learned we weren’t the perfect glorious geniuses our ego loved to tell us we were?

(Ok ok so not everyone’s brain does the bananas things mine does. But I like to think I’m not entirely in the minority.)

Learn to Crave that Sweet, Sweet Critique

The truth is that negative/critical feedback, delivered by non-jerks, is essential to our growth. It’s how we catch our blind spots, and find areas to improve.

So how can we slip out of the straight jacket of the mindset that I MUST BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME OR I AM WORTHLESS AND EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MEEE…

And into a space where we expect critical feedback, and learn to take it on, discern what’s relevant, and roll with it?

We’ve got some ideas for ya.

Watch: Hillary and Margo Yell at Websites: How to Stop Taking Feedback Personally

We go deep into the psychology of feedback as well as:

  • Why we care so much what people think (even if we say we don’t and know we shouldn’t)
  • Distinguishing between criticism, praise, and useful feedback
  • Why we identify with people’s projections of us
  • When feedback is a reflection of you vs when it’s a reflection of the person giving the feedback
  • How to hear negative feedback without falling into the existential cave of doom
  • AND MORE.

And while you’re over there, let us know:

When your brain slides into “I’M TERRIBLE” mode when someone has feedback for you that’s anything less than glowing, how do you tend to pull yourself out of the nose dive?

Asking for a friend who’s always fighting with this.

Who is me. ;)

Write on,
H

Episode Transcript

Yeah, so we’re talking about bad feedback today, right? 

Is it? I can’t remember. (both laugh) Yes, sure.

I know, we talked for a while about this. We really did, we need to write these things down man.

(upbeat music)

Welcome back marketing nerds of the world, it’s time for another episode of HAMYAW, and today, we wanna talk about taking things extremely personally. Oh, this is something that happens so often in the entrepreneurial space where we are. Selling stuff, you’re doin’ your work, you’re puttin’ yourself out there in that vulnerable space, tryin’ to help people, and it’s just incredibly freakin’ difficult not to take something personally when someone gives you feedback that’s less than fabulous when somebody’s having a challenge in one of your programs that you haven’t experienced yet, or when somebody feels like they should be getting more from, or less from, you.

There are so many opportunities for us to tear ourselves to little pieces all over the floor, taking things way too personally. So today, Margo and I wanna talk about how we kinda overcome that, some strategies for taking things perhaps a little less personally, and also sharing our stories of obsessively taking everything we possibly can to heart.

Margo, how personally are you taking this right now? 

Do you hate me? Are we in a fight? 

(Hillary laughs) Are you mad? Are you mad at me?

Yeah, yup, very that.

Wow, ladies, we have so much work to do.

It is so hard, I will tell you, the only thing that really broke me of this, and it’s still something I struggle with, was hitting scale. When I, for the first time, had programs that were more than five people, and I started to see that the reactions really had nothing to do with me, and that my commitment was to the integrity of the work and that after that, whatever happened was on them.

And I was able to see, especially with students, where if some students came in, they wanted to get something out of it, and they would, even if my content wasn’t perfect, they were like, “We learned, this was great.” And then there were other people who came in and were like, “This sucks, you suck,” and they just didn’t do anything. And I was like, “Huh.”

But the work was the same, the product wasn’t different, so as much as I try and personalize it, at a certain point I started to see a pattern. And all I can ever do is keep the integrity of the work as strong as possible, but then after that, it’s up to them.

Now obviously I’m telling y’all this, and then I put my stuff out, and then I go into a rabbit hole of doom, where I’m like, “I should’ve been better, it’s my fault, I take full responsibility for their experience.” It’s called co-dependence, if anyone wants to Google it, I recommend the book “Codependent No More”. (Margo laughs) It’s very good. You are not responsible for the feelings of others. 

Say it while you clap your hands. 

(Margo laughs) 

Continue. 

It’s so hard. 

We look to the reputations that we have in the online space too, I think a lot of this happens because reputation is so important in the online space.

I think it’s really, in some ways, and we’ve talked about this on the show before, sometimes you feel like it’s all you have. Because especially if you’re more referral-based, especially if you’re building, you really wanna have that immaculate reputation, where everyone came and hung out in your program, and everyone got perfect scores, and A-pluses and everything was fine and dandy, and no one complained, and everyone loved you and made you the president.

And I think that that’s a wonderful thing to aim for, and certainly, I am obsessed with achieving that result. When I started with my products and programs, I would test things, run two or three betas, just to make sure things worked for enough people. And I think that was smart, but it was from a strategic standpoint, but it was also from an insecure place, where I was like, “I wanna give people plenty of room to tell me I suck, just in case it’s true.”

Again, it came from that strategic, but also very insecure, place. And this is actually what I come across a lot with my clients as well, it’s because so much of business is betting on yourself, and betting on yourself means saying, “All right, if there’s negative feedback, I’m gonna take it, and use it, or not.”

That’s why we also wanna spend a little time today talking about who should you be taking negative feedback from, in the first place? But that’s why I was so uncomfortable when I was also getting into the sphere of coaching, and doing more programs, and teaching more, when someone told me, we’ve talked about this on the show, where it was like, you can deliver perfectly and beautifully to 80% of people, but there’s always gonna be that 20% who see things differently, who don’t resonate with the work, who can’t do the work for one reason or another, or who just don’t want to.

And you’re gonna run into that, and it’s not your fault. And I think that it’s really easy to, especially as women, to make everything our fault, because then it’s convenient because then we don’t have to be mad at anyone but ourselves. And we’re so good at being mad at ourselves. So, I think that that’s something that I’m constantly sitting with, and my poor coach, she’s so tired of hearing me talk about it. 

Can we sit there for a second though?

Because I think this is a really important point, that I think all of us in the online space are so sensitive and disgusted by the cheap, or lazy, programs that have been sold and misled us.

So, those of us that have over-corrected, we’re obsessed with the quality of our programs, we don’t wanna make any claims that would be misleading. And then we sort of over-correct by taking too much responsibility for things that we cannot control, and we berate ourselves.

That’s also not a useful posture.

And I remember when I was running one of my first courses, and I had a significant number of people, and I was watching them engage with the material, and I was like, “Uh, this prompt I wrote, it’s not landing, they’re not getting it. I’m an idiot, I can’t believe I put that there.”

And my husband, he was trained as a teacher way back when, in Teach for America, and he was like, “Yeah, so here’s the thing. Everyone has a different learning style, and if you didn’t take what people’s baseline was, you can’t measure them by anything, so you don’t know where they’re starting. And you can’t be responsible for whether they did the homework or not.”

And I was like, “But this isn’t education!” And he was like, “Aren’t you teaching?” And I was like, “But I can’t make a claim that I’m teaching them something, and then they don’t learn the thing.”

And he was like, “Okay, but hold on. You can’t measure this. What they’re gonna get out of it is what they’re gonna get out of it.” And I was like, “Well, that’s a convenient tool for abdicating responsibility.” And he was like, “But you’re going the other extreme, and being insane.” And I was like, “Okay, there’s gotta be “a middle ground here.”

Yes!

And the middle ground really is what you said, about being really, really objective.

Where I looked at, let’s use Akimbo for example, ’cause everyone knows about that one.

When we did the beta, there were a few things that were very obviously wrong, and when I got feedback on them, it hurt, but I also knew it was wrong, and it stopped being a reflection of me personally.

Because I, one, couldn’t control it, two, I knew it was problematic, and three, I knew we could fix it. 

Yeah, there we go.

It sucked that that was part of these people’s experience, but I also, I didn’t lie about it, was upfront, and I appreciated what people told me. And some of the feedback was genuinely helpful, and it really took me being secure in my content, and in my curriculum, and in my teaching ability, which I think that really hinges on that, and then detaching myself in a healthy way when someone was like, “Yeah, you didn’t tell me when live calls were, and that was really a problem.”

I’m like, “Actually yeah, that really was, and we should’ve done that. We should’ve done that, that sucks, I’m sorry. I Shoulda done that.”

Yeah, you’re right, you’re right. Yeah absolutely.

But it’s not, “You didn’t give me a call time, you’re a terrible person, and I hate you, and you will never be president of the world.” And that’s so important too.

It’s that decoupling our self-worth from our work, and the worth of our work.

And it’s so funny, we put all this pressure on ourselves to literally do the impossible. So many people want to land it perfectly on the first try and just blow everybody away and have a fantastic time, and everyone gets incredible results across the board, perfect a plus, plus, plus, plus, and it is literally impossible to do that. It is impossible, you will never win. 

I’m special Hillary!

That will never — you are very special — and, yeah, just don’t.

I say this as someone who constantly puts this pressure on myself, and every single time I sell something – I’ve been selling, teaching, coaching, educating for years now, I think 2016 was my first course launch – and every single time before I take something live, I’m like, “Oh fuck, can I actually deliver on this?” (Hillary vocalize)

Even if I’ve run the damn thing like 100 times, there’s always that worry, “Am I gonna let someone down with this?” And in learning to be with that has been so essential because if I was left to my own devices, I would be running screaming from the hills. Or at the very least, I’d still be copywriting.

So, I think that the focus, for me, has turned from how can I be perfect and please everybody, to your point, how can I get myself into the mindset where I’m delivering my best work and I am expecting feedback that’s going to allow me to improve this. 

To get better. Yes, I think that is key. Because we get into this, it’s all about me, it’s actually very ego-centric of us to be like…

Yeah, I was about to say that. Huge ego, yeah.

We’re really obsessed with how we’re being perceived, and that actually takes away from people’s experiences. And there is something really healthy about having that testing mindset of, “This is a thing I’m trying. Let’s see what the market does.” And for me, it’s really helped to be around people with that mindset, because I don’t naturally have it.

I am just like, “I am a sensitive snowflake, and that’s gonna hurt my feelings.” And it’s really nice to watch people throw an offer out and be like, “Let’s see what the market does,” and I’m like, “What? What? You didn’t edit that, you just hit publish!” I’m like, “Oh, the horror!” Do you know what it reminds me of?

What?

Do you ever watch comedy specials, where a joke doesn’t land, and the comedian goes, “Oh, y’all didn’t like that one?” 

Yeah, exactly, like, “Yeah, whatever.” You know, I’m like, “I need this energy in my life.” 

Yes, that’s how I think we need to be is you need to look at that and go, “Oh, they didn’t like that one.” Instead of, “I’m a failure and I missed it!” 

Yeah, and “This is humiliating,” and all these things.

So, this woman, Simone Grace Seoul, who’s a life coach, I believe, in the Kara Loewentheil sphere, she had this great post on Facebook the other day, where she was like, “My mom, whenever I’m worried about people not liking me, and not having perfect approval across the board, and never finding anybody, and never letting anybody down, or whatever, I think about my mom always says to me when I get in that zone, ‘Do you think you’re better than Jesus?'” And she goes, “He was like the perfect person, and people still hated him. In fact, they killed him.

So, if you think you’re better than Jesus, we’re gonna have some problems.” Arguably the most perfect human alive, depending on which religion you follow. Right? Are you better than Jesus? I was like, “Ooh, hot take!” I mean, what day of the week is it and how many tequilas have I had before I answer that question, honestly. 

Such a Jewish mom thing to say too! 

She’s Korean, so I think it was a Korean mom thing to say. It was just such a helpful reframe for me. I was like, “Oh, you’re right, there’s just no way to get a perfect score across the board.” We talk about this all the time, here on HAMYAW, but it’s so much harder in practice. Please love me. Please love me in everything I do. 

Let’s talk about what kind of feedback is helpful, ’cause you said earlier who to accept feedback from, and where you can hear hard things. ‘Cause I wanna dive into some of that, because getting it from customers is kind of what we’ve been referring to and clients, and I think there’s also getting it from colleagues, where some people are allowed to give you tough love, and some people aren’t.

And I would say the same is true for customers, by the way, ’cause there’s some feedback from customers where I’m just like, “Wow, that was really thoughtful,” and even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, I so appreciate when they take the time to tell me what worked, or didn’t, for them. And you can always tell when someone wants to make the thing better, versus when they’re just in it to be like, tear you down. You can kind of sense the energy.

Yeah, you really can. I’ve sat in the energy before, where people came looking for something that even though it wasn’t explicitly offered, they didn’t get it and felt frustrated.

So, I think that I’ve seen that come up before. So, my mentor Sara actually raised this point to me too, where especially in branding work, sometimes you’re in a brand process and a client does an about-face. And they’re like, “Wait a minute, I don’t know if this is right. Let’s pump the brakes.”

That can be really jarring, because you’re like, “Hang on, hang on, hang on. We got this far, are you sure?” I always wanna come at it reactionary, just be like, (Hillary vocalizes) “You don’t like my fuckin’ branding? Yeah, you can leave.”

But, of course, I go to bed, and have a snack, and I don’t say that. And it’s also not true, but it’s one of those things where if you’re hearing that feedback, and you come at it from a place of curiosity, and positivity, where you’re like, “Okay cool, so what’s going on here?” You know, it always works out.

But for me, and this is back to the point Sara actually was making, ’cause I was frustrated, it doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, it’s like, “Oh man, not again.” And she asked this great question where she was like, “Well, did you do anything wrong?”

And I was like, “What? Oh, no I showed up and did my job, and I listened, and I took notes, and I put this together based on what we talked about.” And she’s like, “Okay, then you’re fine.” So, client feedback I listen to is stuff when I know somebody has shown up and done the work.

Yes.

Because it’s very easy to throw stones when you haven’t really participated and you’re like, “I should have participated more.” The big line for me is always also the emotion in the feedback.

If I can tell someone’s taking out something on me, then I’m like, “All right, I just don’t think I need to listen to this,” versus when it’s like, “Hey, so I would’ve loved X, Y, Z. I felt a little lost when A, B, C happened,” and I get a little embarrassed, and I have my hot lightning bolts of, “Oh, I failed you.”

I’m really grateful for it, and after a couple of days, I’m like, “Okay, we can sit with that feedback now, we’re no longer internalizing.” And beyond client work, the place, this is where creative allies come in, and Margo and I talk about this all the time y’all, because I only have a few select people who preview my work, you’re one of them, Shay Howard’s another, and my coach of course.

I trust you guys to give me the hard feedback and say the hard things, and I also know you’ll deliver it in a way that is kind and I believe you. I don’t take all of it on necessarily, ’cause you don’t necessarily have to listen to and apply all feedback, but for me, it’s a matter of listening to the, like, the source of the information is just as important as the information itself. 

I think it’s arguably more important because I’ve definitely made this mistake with friends who are really smart, but were maybe too close career-wise where they project. And so, they’re hypercritical of stuff of mine.

Yup, yup.

And that’s always really hard, ’cause I’m like, “Yeah, there was a typo, but you know, I’ll catch that.”

Yup, yup.

Why are we fighting about this? I think sometimes it’s also in the tone.

I’m trying to capture what it looks like when someone projects on you. ‘Cause, it usually hits different. The people who I value their tough-love feedback, they are courageous enough to tell me the thing I don’t wanna hear.

Yeah.

That’s different than tearing me down and judging me. They’re not the same.

The people who tear you down and judge you, I think it hits different. Because it makes you feel insecure, whereas the people who hit on a truth that you’re avoiding, then you feel seen. 

Yeah, and also a little a shocked. Like, “Oh god, yeah, you’re right, yeah, yeah, yeah.” 

And you don’t get defensive. You’re more like, “Oh, you figured that out.” 

And getting comfortable with that feeling, ’cause it’s not gonna kill you. That’s the reality as well.

I talk about this with my coach constantly, where she’s like, “Why are you taking everything so freakin’ personally?” And I’m like, “I don’t know, is it me?” It’s such a practice to be able to sit there and say, “Okay, that worked, that didn’t, carry on.”

I haven’t perfected it yet, so if y’all have any secrets, please dial into the comments below and tell us what’s been helpful. And we talk about this thinkin’ about the bros, the bro marketers. They don’t worry about all these million little things. They just test out, throw it out there, see what comes back, and move on.

And I would love to cultivate that more in myself. But there’s gotta be that intersection, right? Of the testing and trying, and in the actually doing the thing, and putting your best foot forward, and wanting everyone to get the best results, and the best results possible. And there’s gotta be a middle ground, man. 

I know. I think there’s a way where there’s this line between it’s personal, but also, it’s not.

Yeah. 

(Margo laughs) It’s like we have to find that middle ground, which I think it’s a thing you practice in all your relationships, of understanding how you relate to people, where you’re not responsible for how someone else feels, but you are responsible for your behavior.

And so, figuring out where those lines are, where the boundaries are, and more importantly than anything y’all, if you take nothing else away, adopting that testing mentality, where this is a reflection of the market, not necessarily a reflection of you, and give yourself room to grow. We have a whole episode on here, “Is it You or the Market?” by the way, somewhere. It’s true. 

Somewhere here.

Of realizing you do get better, and I’ll use myself as an example. I am teaching copywriting, and then every time I sit down to write a new page, I’m like, “Well, it will obviously be brilliant, ’cause I am the teacher.” I am a genius. And then it’s like, “Wow, wow, it’s still not easy.” 

Absolutely, and this is part of mastery too. If you have an interest in mastering your craft, no matter what you do, you are literally signing up for failure, criticism, and judgment. That’s all part of the process. It’s not a bug, it’s a feature. Again, saying this to y’all, as much as to myself, and I see this hold so many clients back in just approaching the stage to talk about their stuff, because what if I’m wrong?

What if I make a wrong promise? What if I say something I can’t deliver on? And it’s like, okay, okay, let’s take that and let’s think about it, where is this coming from?

Is that fear something that you actually have to be worried about? Is it something that you’re looking around to make sure you avoid? Which is great because that means the quality of your work will continue to increase. But you cannot let your desire for excellence stop you from even showing up and throwin’ the frickin’ ball, or risking a strikeout, or whatever baseball metaphors. We’re so hung up on, I guess I would call it perfectionism, but it’s more like we… 

Ego-centrism? 

No, it’s perfectionism, yeah, I think that’s the clear delineation, where if you’re not going forward because something isn’t ready, then don’t. You have to decide what ready looks like for you.

And that one, it’s, “Well, I want everyone to love it and do perfectly, and be perfect, so everyone makes me president.” I don’t know why we’re continuing with that metaphor this episode, but we’re just anchoring into it.

So, if you’re lookin’ for that, that’s from an ego place. That means you’re holding back because you’re feeling so sensitive that you worry if you put it out there and it’s not 10s across the board, you’re gonna be crushed. And that’s just your ego talking, and that’s not real. 

And it’s also an abdication of responsibility.

Oh. 

Because now you’re putting it on someone else. They have to love me, or I am worthless.

You do have to have, and I think this is actually the solution, an inherent sense of worthiness. I think this is why so many women struggle with this in particular, but also creatives is that we are so insecure about who we are and what we deserve, that we don’t have that entitlement to being like, “Oh all right, let’s see what the market does.” 

Yeah, and so often in creativity, we’re trying things that are new. We’re trying a new approach, we’re testing new ideas, and we’ve never seen anyone do this dance before.

So, now we read about it in a book maybe, and now we actually have to do the dance. And it’s like, “Are we gonna get weird? People are gonna laugh at us.” Of course they will, but you’ll be laughing at them soon enough, so don’t worry about it.

It’s always better to be the person having fun on the dance floor than the people standing around it in a circle, judging. I love that you also made that point, that I think this is the way out, is being able to divorce your ego from your work, and your self-worth from your work, and creating that really clear delineation.

Because you’re gonna get sucked into the vortex if you don’t, because it’s gonna mean you’re riding high, you do so well, and then immediately you will collapse as soon as you get anything remotely resembling negative feedback. And you need that resilience.

Yes. I wanna end this on a more positive note, because people don’t realize… 

Stop being so insecure! (both laugh) God!

That’s what my mom says. 

Right? Oh, amazing, no one ever brought it to me to do that before. 

Hadn’t thought of it. 

Problem solved. 

Wow. Really appreciate it. That was so, so insightful.

You improve, the process is iterative, and I think the more you throw your hat in the ring, the more you build that muscle of awareness. So right now, I’ll take things a little personally still, when it comes to products, or a launch. Of course.

But when it comes to my writing, at this point, if someone’s like, “She’s verbose and a little Valley girlish.” I’m like, “All right, it’s not for you.” I feel really clear about who I am in my voice, and it’s not for everyone.

And it took me a really long time to get there, and it doesn’t feel good, but now I’m like, I don’t take the unsubscribes personally. I’m like, “Not for them.” You do reach that point, but I will say, on that same note, the praise also gets dimmed a little because it’s also not a reflection of you.

Both the praise and the criticism, are reflections of other people. And listen, the praise feels much better, but I don’t hinge my wellbeing, based on what people got out of it. It always feels good, and I think this is what the confusion is when people are like, “It’s for the fans, it’s for y’all.”

When we’re talking about a marketing page, a sales page, yes, it is about the other person. But when you’re talking about work that you do that’s personal, let’s say, I’m putting out a piece tomorrow, I wrote it ’cause it was fun, right? It was fun, I had a good time doing it, I think it will be valuable. 

It’s based on lessons I learned for other people. Whether they liked it, I mean, I hope they like it, but the success, or failure, of it, for me is, did it launch? And did I get it out? 

And did people take action afterwards? Did you feel inspired enough to do something afterwards? Then it’s successful. After that, I really can’t do much.

Yeah, it’s true. And I think that we also need to remind ourselves like my coach always gives me good prompts when I’m getting up my own butt with this kinda stuff, and she asks me, “Okay well, this is happening, what are you making it mean?”

If you get that negative feedback, what are you making it mean? And she’s like, “If it’s you needed more reminders for call times, somebody tells you that, and it sends you into a spiral, what are you making it mean?” And I’m like, “Well, ’cause they told me that, it means that I’m thoughtless, and not detail-oriented, and I put together a sloppy program, and people are upset and mad, and now I will die alone. 

And they know I’m an impostor. 

I know nothing, I’m gonna fall in a hole and die. I will never be president, and I’m gonna crawl in a hole and die, I’m president of the world.”

That’s such a helpful reframe all the time, for anything around anxiety, mental health, but particularly entrepreneurship. If the fear of negative feedback, or not getting everything perfect is holding you back, ask yourself, “What are you making that mean?”

And think about the offers and the programs you’ve gone through, where you’ve gotten a lot of value, but a few things could stand to be edited, or shifted, in your opinion, and in your learning style. And think about that, and the compassion that you offer to other people, and then turn around and give that compassion to yourself. 

I freakin’ love that reframe, because it does deescalate, “What are you making it mean?”

Yeah exactly. 

I’m making it mean that I don’t have what it takes. But what did they actually say? They said they wanna know when the live calls are. Okay. 

Okay, what were the words that they said with their mouths? You know. It’s so true. We read 50 layers into everything, and for what y’all? For what? Just to beat ourselves up harder so we’ll do extra good next time? 

‘Cause that works well.

This isn’t a Russian gymnastics team, come on!

All right, so y’all, we want to hear from you. Tell us how taking things too personally shows up in your work. Does it show up in your art? Does it show up in your business? Does it show up when you promote yourself? Does it show up in one-on-one conversations?

What does it look like? How has it held you back? What have you learned from it? And if you implement any of those tools, tell us in the comments below. Are you taking a testing mindset? What are you making it mean? Oh my god, I wanna make that the norm. 

Right, I wanna tattoo that on my forehead.

Yes! (Margo laugh) 

Yup, so true.

Right in the, yeah. 

Margo’s getting a tramp stamp of “What are you making it mean?” 

I mean, that will really have you reevaluating life. 

(both laugh)

All right, if you guys liked this episode, please like it below, subscribe to our channel, and share it with your friends. I’m Margo Aaron. 

And I’m Hillary Weiss. 

And we will see you in two weeks.

(Hillary smooches) Stop taking everything so personally.

Bye y’all.

Bye.

♪ Hey ♪

Photo by Juliet Clare Warren

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