Photo by Arisa Chattasa on Unsplash

My most vivid memories of 2015 are marked by two events: 1) Cracking my first 6 figures, and 2) My frantic, almost desperate search for a mentor.

The first was a fluke. I got swept up in a high-level contract with a dazzling number of zeroes tied to it that went belly up fast. Those months of stomach-turning in-over-my-headedness pushed me juuust over the financial edge.

The second had been years in the making, and came to a head as I dragged my limp body through the final days of the aforementioned contract, grumbling “If I had a mentor, they could’ve warned me…”

See, when I got my start at 22, I never imagined I’d be in business for so long without any real guidance.

I subconsciously assumed that if I could scrape by in the first year, live off ham sandwiches, and piece together whatever shreds of strategy I could glean from my clients and digital forebears, someone would come discover me and save me from the Wild West minefield of digital solopreneurship.

If I worked hard enough, surely I’d eventually dazzle some influencer so much they couldn’t help but crow “I’d LOVE mentor you”, and I’d spend the next several centuries basking in the glow of validation.

But 4 years had flown by in a blink… and I was still waiting.

Despite the headway I’d managed to make, and all those zeros in my “gross revenue” box on my tax forms, I still felt like a kid standing on another kid’s shoulders in an extra-long overcoat, trying to blend in with the grownups.

And now I had goals beyond mere survival; and they were gorgeous, gleaming, and heavy as marble. I wanted to create + launch a course. I wanted to write more, be more visible, and expand my reach. I wanted to get seen on the grand digital stage as a player, and not just another clone chanting in the choir line.

Surely, this was too big to do alone. I needed help. I needed a champion. I needed a mentor.

… And I’m ashamed to admit: I also didn’t want to pay them.

Not just because I didn’t have the money (good teachers do not come cheap). Because I wanted to be chosen. Anointed. Told I was worthy of the time and attention and guidance I needed to succeed the way I wanted to.

I had friends with dedicated mentors, and their stories made me twist in my desk chair with envy. I always pictured them across from each other at coffee shops and fancy dinners (on the mentor’s dime, obvs); one receiving wisdom and one dispensing it, the dispenser sharing tips to avoid common pitfalls while assuring the recipient lovingly, “I learn as much from you as you do from me.”

Sigh.

So when 2015 rolled around, I decided to be more proactive.

That meant tackling my mentorlessness in much the same way the baby bird does in the P.D. Eastman book “Are You my Mother?”:

I began asking around. Shamelessly.

To clients I liked: “Are you my mentor?”

To respected colleagues: “Are you my mentor?”

To bloggers I followed: “Are you my mentor?”

Most said no. They didn’t have time.

Some said yes, and never followed through.

Others tried to sell me coaching packages I absolutely couldn’t afford (Including, almost hilariously, a $20,000 mastermind. Amazing for businesses at the right level, but a panic-inducing pitch for a 26 year old who’d hadn’t spent 5 figures on anything but rent.).

For better or worse: Unlike that little baby bird who finds its way to its mama’s nest, my mentor never materialized.

After months of knocking on doors, I was forced to accept that no one knight in shining digital presence was coming to rescue me. I was going to have to go it alone.

It made me desperately embarrassed and insecure for a time. Everyone else I knew seemed to have a mentor. Why didn’t anyone want me? Why wasn’t I good enough? Could no one see that I need a little god damn help over here?!

Weeks later, I relayed this lonesome saga to a painter friend who put down her brush and looked at me thoughtfully:

“Have you ever seen my early work?” she asked.

“Yes!” I said brightly — and I had. All gleaming, jeweled tones with a Klimt-gone-confetti feel, quite different from the more muted, almost gothic tones in her current work.

“I can’t paint like that anymore.”

I was startled. “Why?! What happened?”

“I started taking classes with a wonderful teacher. But unfortunately… that class trained all my original natural style and instincts out of me. It gave me rules and practices I wasn’t burdened with before. I don’t regret it necessarily, and I love my art, but I’ll never know where that first point of view could have taken me — and that’s a shame. It could’ve been beautiful.”

It could have been beautiful. That got to me.

I’d come this far alone on the steam of my natural style. I didn’t want to lose it. Maybe things could be beautiful for me, too.

As I chewed it over, it began to dawn on me: Deep down, I didn’t actuallywant a mentor. Not really.

What I did want was someone else to shoulder responsibility for my business. I wanted someone to tell me exactly which ideas were good and bad, which sales strategies to follow, what clients to work with, and what my brand was. I wanted someone who’d praise the beejezus out of me when I did well, and whose “bad advice” I could quietly blame when I didn’t.

And at the crux if it all was fear. I wanted someone in my corner because the idea of a business built 100% on my own decisions and ideas and instincts scared me half to death.

And yet… there I was. I had already survived this long — even thrived some days. Maybe I didn’t need to be rescued after all.

That’s when I decided I’d mentor my damn self — and I’d do it the same way I’d learned to do everything else: imperfectly but passionately, one wobbly step at a time.

And you know what?

I did create and launch a course. I did write more, become more visible, and expand my reach. I did get seen on the grand digital stage as a player.

Now I’m proud to report I did it all on my own steam, and in my own way.

Did I have questions sometimes? Yep, and I knew who could answer them (more on this in a second). Was it scary? Some days.

But what it taught me was that it’s possible to learn to trust myself without needing outside affirmation and validation. That I can run with my ideas without waiting for 50 people to high-five me before I get started.

Don’t get me wrong: Mentorship works in a whole lot of ways. Some people thrive with it, and that’s a beautiful thing.

However, there comes a time when we have to sit ourselves down and find out if we really need help, or we’re actively looking to give a little (or a lot) of our power away; just because carrying the weight of our decisions everywhere freaks us out.

But not all burdens need to be put down. Not all paths need to be perfectly paved by someone else before us. Sometimes we just need to adjust our packs and continue the hike.

One of the questions I always ask my students or colleagues experiencing #FOMO (Fear Of Mentorless Oblivion) is the same question I asked myself:

“Do you really need a mentor? Or do you just want to stop making your own decisions for a while?”

You may just be lonely, or isolated, or letting your self-doubt win. Address that first.

And when you have? Pursue a mentor if that’s right for you.

But if you’ve come pretty far on your own, may I recommend a different path: the one you’re already on.

Here’s how to get the help you need and mentor your damn self… without letting one person reshape what’s already working.

How to mentor your damn self:

Tip #1: Have 2–3 trusted allies you run ideas by AFTER you’ve fleshed them out.

No more than 2–3 people, and definitely not people outside of entrepreneurship or your industry.

Find people you know and like who will be honest, who you trust and respect, and who have the kind of success you want. Run ideas by them (with permission) if you get stuck and see what comes back.

Teach yourself how to accept some ideas and reject others that don’t vibe. Learn how to take and use criticism. This helps you figure out how to defend your own ideas, and create with conviction.

Hint: If you’re rejecting all advice that disagrees with you, that’s a sign your ‘use the criticism’ muscle is weak. Spend time bulking that sucker up without resorting to defensiveness or stonewalling. It will only serve you.

Then: STOP. Don’t ask your best friend, your significant other, or your mother in law outside of your industry. Ask your advisors ONLY, chew over their response, and get back to work.

Tip#2: Find teachers you respect and know deliver value, and be willing to pay them.

This is a big one. Good teachers give you good examples to emulate, and help you find different ways of seeing things.

The first investment I made in business development was Erika Lyremark’s Mark’d Mastery group business coaching membership for women. I’m still in there, and it’s been a game changer and a lifesaver for me more than once.

While the group environment isn’t quite the same as 1–1 mentorship, it works beautifully, because it forces me to prioritize actively getting the help I need. The group rate also makes it affordable.

When you’re ready for the next level? Go higher.

I just began work 1–1 with a legendary business development and brand strategist to design the next phase of my business, which is entire galaxies larger than my current model. But the ideas are all mine — she’s just helping me shape them.

It works like magic.

Tip #3: Practice finishing what you start.

Being able to bring ideas from concept to fruition on your own steam is one of the greatest skills you will ever learn. This is also how you discover what good ideas feel like in your body, and find out exactly what you’re capable of (and what’s “too much”).

One of the biggest reasons I hear from people about why they need mentors is that they “never finish what they start”.

Newsflash: Only you can fix that. You can get guidance and support, but that’s as far as it can go. All the accountability buddies in the world can’t actually make your fingers and mind move to get things done. That’s on you.

Also: Why wait for a mentor? Look up productivity practices, and experiment ’til you find what works for you. It takes some time, but it’s simpler than you think.

Tip #4: Develop a practice of radical creative self-reliance. Ask forfeedback when you need it, but never ideas.

The only person you should pose the question “What should I blog about this week?” to is yourself.

Ask your teachers “Do you think this blog post illustrates ____ properly?” if you need to, but never make them do the heavy lifting for you.

As a writing teacher myself now, the most frustrating student response in the world is “I don’t know what to say.”

Yes you do. You’re just hiding behind a mental block right now for one reason or another because you’re afraid of failure, or of saying what you really think, etc.

You’re not sure what to say? Start asking yourself some questions. Start writing something, anything and see what comes out. But the only person who can save you from that blank page is… you.

Tip #5: Join communities in your industry.

For example, my favorite digital hangout is The Copywriter Club on Facebook. It’s teeming with writers from all over the world at every level and in every discipline, and the amount I’ve learned just by asking questions or reading threads is head and shoulders over the single perspective a mentor could have ever offered me.

(I’ve also been on their podcast. Holla!)

I’m also part of Margo Aaron’s amazing virtual co working space The Arena. Getting insight from people outside my immediate industry has been invaluable.

Just remember to take community responses with a grain of salt, too. If something sounds to good to be true, remember that person may be trying to sell you something.

Tip #6: Learn how to make mistakes and make ’em fast.

You can’t be scared to fail or fall over — it’s inevitable. What matters is your ability to pick yourself back up and keep going.

Resilience is a learned skill. Everyone you know who bounces back in a snap has a wealth of experience with any number of lurid challenges, flops, and roadbocks. But their history only motivates them.

Mistakes do not signal the end of your business. A lack of motion does.

Train yourself to roll with the punches. Don’t get too down on yourself, learn your lessons, and keep going. I promise: It’s easier than you think.

Sure, the road of self-mentorship isn’t for everyone. But if you’ve come this far on your own? You’re probably mentoring yourself already.

Now all you have to do is keep going.

Learning to trust yourself, and count on yourself above all, is one of the most precious skills you can have as an entrepreneur.

So don’t be so quick to turn to someone else for the answers. Consider sticking it out, swallowing your panic, and finding your own way out of the woods.

Let yourself follow the road to where your own beauty leads.

Don’t wait to be chosen. Choose yourself.

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

Let’s be real: If you’ve ever worked up the moxie to start a business (or any solo long-term creative pursuit) you were probably, in some way, seduced into doing so.

Seduced perhaps by the idea you were going to change lives — and the world — by doing fun stuff that didn’t feel like work; all while sleeping in, sippin’ green juice, and living your best, most instagram-able life.

Or seduced by that well-traveled, killer-wardrobe-having, bazillion-dollar-guru with a rags to riches story that tugged your heart strings as she assured you: “If I can do it? You can too. All you have to do is purchase ___.”

Or seduced by the concept that freedom, success, and wealth is waiting for you juuuust out of reach, if you’d only have the courage to step boldly forward to claim it and *~*~*do you work you love*~*~*!

Sound familiar?

Yep, been there. It worked on me too.

So: What makes these seductions so damn effective? Because there’s a kernel of truth to each of them.

Can you change the world? Definitely. But you’ve gotta be ready to work hard.

Can you become a guru someday? Sure. But the road is, like, pretty challenging.

Is all that money and success really waiting for you around the corner? Well. not necessarily — but if you don’t try, you’ll definitely never see either.

… Unfortunately, the truth doesn’t always make for a great sales hook. So these realities are gilded with a smattering of shiny hyperbole and stories, and packaged for consumption.

To make this web even more tangled: Not only are these seductions understandably hard to resist — they’re also everywhere.

They’re beamed out to you across multiple platforms all day every day; on fast-paced webinars, woven into clever emails, preached about on Facebook Lives and in the captions of Instagram #motivationmondays, plastered all over websites and sales pages, and basically spread anywhere eyeballs and screens meet credit cards.

They all make success sound so simple, sexy, and step-by-step if you’ll just join their mailing list/invest in their coaching/formula/program/course/event…

And you know what? In some ways, thank god for that.

While I have my frustrations with the razzle dazzle of digital marketing, it can be pretty helpful for a short time… before it starts to have the opposite effect.

(Helloooo constant self-comparison, impostor syndrome, and the host of other brain gremlins fond of entrepreneurs.)

Seriously, think about it. Without seduction of some kind, how many of us would have chosen to become entrepreneurs in the first place?

Very, very few people are masochistic enough to start a business purely because it’s difficult, or because some days your mental health and self esteem become impossible to distinguish from your client feedback or bank account.

Without some kind of shininess to attract us… we may never dare to leap at all.

However, while that seductive shine can help you get started? It always wears off eventually.

There’s a reason why “Don’t meet your heroes” is a common quip — especially in the online business world.

Because as time goes on, and you learn more, see more, and do more in your industry?

You start to notice things. Some good, some bad.

Eventually, you realize those powerhouse entrepreneurs you felt could do no wrong are actually flawed human beings with bad ideas (along with the good ones) and mortgages to pay.

… And those “bulletproof” offers and formulas that promise 6 figures — or at least some sales and clients— don’t always work for your business model, work patterns, or goals.

… And that some industry “A-listers” earned their clout by investing $20k in another “A-lister’s” mastermind, and those screenshots they’re sharing of contract totals and raving clients are hiding the fact they’re caught up in the feast and famine cycle too.

Don’t despair, though!

Because when the shine starts to fade? It means your real adventure is just beginning.

One day, you awaken from your guruspiration-induced, idealistic, lead-magnet fueled, “# steps to # figures” poppy field sleep and you (finally) ask yourself:

Oh shit… Why am I really here?

What do I really want to do, sell, and create?

Who can I really help, and how?

While it’s easy to feel jaded, angry, and jipped once the shine wears off, trust me: The lowering of the veil is a beautiful thing.

Why?

Because it makes you smart, self-aware, discerning, and — most importantly — hype-resistant.

When you start to see how the cogs in the machine work behind the shiny facade, it’s much easier to stop comparing yourself to people working within the same machine — and it gives you the chance to decide if you even want to be a part of it.

Suddenly it hits you that you don’t necessarily have to make 7-figures, or run a course, or hand the hottest guru your money (or become a guru yourself) in order to have the kind of business you want — even if you don’t know what that looks like yet.

You begin to feel grateful that you get to learn from the mistakes of the people who’ve come before you; to decide what turns you on and off and what you genuinely want to pursue — notwithstanding someone else’s sales pitch.

And you recognize, finally, that you have more choices than you ever realized, and your potential is much, much vaster than you previously imagined.

In short: Your disillusionment is your key to liberation.

At last, unshackled by the chains of seduction, you are finally free to create whatever it is you want, and follow your own north star about what works for you, your goals, and the people you most want to serve. You get to really chew over what “success on your own terms” means, and bring that definition to life.

While you might feel angry at first, with time, you’ll realize the chip it leaves on your shoulder is actually a map of what you don’t want to do, and who you don’t want to be — which might be one of the most useful tools on the planet.

Because sure, the sparkle might have faded… but it left a door wide open in its place.

And with no more seduction to worry about? All that remains is you, and the path you choose to tread.

So really: Why not start walking?

Like… right now?

 

Photo by Paul Wallez on Unsplash

Despite all romantic ideals to the contrary, the crux of all creative work, art, copy, advertising, marketing, sales, or strategy comes down to a simple goal:

Whatever you do, you absolutely must convince people to give a damn about you and what you offer.

This relentless pursuit of consumer attention is the reason why everything from wit and humor to borderline-creepy, ultra-specific sales tactics are at work day in, day out, to grab and harness your brain.

These are techniques that, when used correctly, can make you look twice, assess, and digest new information— at least for a moment.

Translation? They’re strategies designed to make people give a damn.

However, the consumer’s decision to give a damn or not happens in roughly 7 seconds flat.

To make the stakes even more absurdly high, the consumer’s final opinion at the end of that teeny time frame often becomes their opinion for life.

This makes damns the most illusive, precious commodity in marketing — and currently among the hardest to acquire.

Back in the 1970’s, humans were bowled over to discover they’d been served upwards of 500 ads every single day. These days? It’s closer to 5,000.

That’s also a lot of doubtlessly-wasted damns along the way — because once people give a damn about something they eventually realize is low-value, or out of integrity?

… It’s twice as hard for them to give a damn about something similar.

Yep, even if yours is the best, prettiest offer on the planet.

Yep, even if you do a great job of explaining it.

Tragically, reeducation doesn’t always equal immediate revenue/opinion changes either.

All over the digital business world, this reality is becoming more and more apparent. (I’ve written about it a few times, including here and here.)

The fact is: These days it’s extremely easy to get in front of people… but extremely difficult to make them actually care enough to invest their time or money — a.k.a. give a damn.

So: We can easily agree damns matter and are harder to attract with each passing day.

Now the question becomes: How do you begin to pick them up in the first place?

How do you turn people from not-caring into totally-and-absolutely-caring-all-the-time-customers — or at least caring enough to open your emails, or share your latest blog post?

I’ve got a few ideas.

Give your neck a good crack and let’s get into it.

5 ways to make people give a damn about you + what you’re selling.

Way #1: You first.

Seriously.

Demonstrate beyond a reasonable doubt that you give a damn about your audience first — and not just about what’s in their wallets — before you sell anything.

Find out what they need most and give it to them — for free if you can.

Find out what their insecurities and fears are and address them outright and offer a solution.

Find out what their goals and dreams are and be willing and open to show them the path to get there as publicly as you can.

This initial damn-giving on your end makes all the difference in your content and business.

This is also the deciding factor between, say, an opt-in gift — a free offer to convince peeps to sign up for your email list — that flops or catches fire.

Here’s what I mean:

If you look around at what everyone else in your industry is offering for their opt-in gift, and use that as your guideline (instead of giving a damn about your audience first)? Sad trombone noise.

Chances are if you take this route, your peeps will either already know the information, or will perceive it as a cop-out ploy they’ve seen 100 times before.

Needless to say, this is a damn-killer.

Contrastingly, if you create an opt-in gift based on something you know your people genuinely need and want, because you did your research or asked them? Your existing people love it, and new leads tend to pour in. Good ones.

As one example, consider comparing a “How to write a blog post” opt-in gift against one that promises to teach you: “How to write blog posts that feel fun and fiery to write — and get crazy engagement”.

The first one? Eh, you know the score.

The second? That’s what you really want deep down, right? Who doesn’t?

The second one shows I took the time to figure out what peeps really wanted. More sign ups. More wins. And more sweet, sweet damns.

When you genuinely care, you can show your audience that you genuinely understand. And when you genuinely understand, you can create better things for more people.

And when you make good stuff for more people — you make more money, and feel good about life in general.

And really, who doesn’t want that!?

Way #2: Don’t bullshit.

Bullshit is an instant damn-killer.

And, while there is a line between “bullshit” and “marketing tactics”, it is perhaps not as woefully thin as some might assume.

It comes down to refusing to make promises you can’t keep.

Never make guarantees you can’t follow through on. Do not fudge information or your expertise in the name of getting your paws on an additional email address or ten.

People will find out sooner or later, and once trust is killed, you’ve killed it forever.

And, while being more specific, clear, and honest may not get you 1,000 new leads, it’s much more likely to get you 100 leads who are genuinely invested in you, your point of view, and what you have to offer.

(And trust me, it’s way easier to sell to those eager 100 than the blasé 1,000 you managed to scoop up by feeding them nonsense — because you’ve shown the 100 that they can count on you to deliver.)

Figure out the biggest promise you can make, and push that. Make it real, make it feel as impressive as it is, and show results. The folks who are on the look out for you will find you, be impressed, and want to know more immediately.

Way #3: Front-load with (real) value — without making demands.

The nice thing about the current deafening din of the digital world? Transparency has never been sexier.

For example, I recently went into fangirl convulsions when I discovered I was included in a sales letter from the king of email marketing himself, André Chaperon for his program Sphere of Influence. You can check it out right here, because it’s awesome.

But my fangirling isn’t the most compelling part of the story. (Obvs.)

In his sales letter, Chaperon digs into his use of pre-sell pages to sell products.

In a nutshell, pre-sell pages are long (long!) form blog posts that share resources and offer the actionable, could-totally-apply-this-to-my-business-right-now ideas that tie into the philosophy or goals of a larger offer — usually soon-to-be-launched. At the end of the pre-sell page, you invite people to learn more about your offer by signing up if they wish.

It’s a breathlessly brilliant strategy, and there’s no paywall or opt-in required to get the info. You don’t have to give him your email address, phone number, or credit card. You don’t have to wait til the third missive in the nurture sequence to find out what’s really going on.

And you know what? It works.

Presell pages aren’t a new concept, but their current impact is the symptom of the continuing, churning-sea-change underway in the marketing world.

While pre-sell pages may not grab as many email addresses as, say, that dearly beloved 3-part video training series strategy, I’d wager this tactic turns into more sales way more easily.

Reason being? By NOT hiding your stuff behind a paywall, you create memorable, high-value experiences, and those who sign up will be frothing at the mouth for whatever you have to offer.

You give the value. You build the trust. Then, and only then, do you offer the invitation.

… And then you can watch as your perfect customers willingly dish out their damns.

Way #4: Concentrate on “giving the right people the right stuff at the right time” — a.k.a segmentation.

I put that last part in quotes because Chaperon talks about this a lot in his work, (#transparency) and uses variations of that phrase. Definitely take a deeper look at his stuff if you haven’t already. But in the name of this blog post, I’m gonna drill into what this means for you right now.

In today’s climate, leads are less of a numbers game and much, much more of an engagement game.

There’s a saying in marketing that I parrot non-stop: “You can make a million bucks off a 200-person list, and $0 off 10,000 disinterested people.”

Those 200 people are who you should be chasing. Not the 1,000.

Theirs are the damns you most want to acquire.

Because think about it. When you cast a net in the ocean, you can:

1. Cast a big ol’ net in a place you heard there were lots of fishies, where all the other boats go.
2. Cast a smaller net, but spend time researching what fish you want most, where they’re swimming, when there will be fewer boats, and what kind of bait those fish are most likely to go gaga for.

The first net may bring in some of the fish you want… but it will also bring up a lot of other things you probably don’t want; like inedible species, and some old tires, toilet lids, boots, beer cans, etc. That’s just the nature of the big net.

The second net may bring up fewer items on the whole… but you’ll likely bring more of those tasty fish you were looking for in the first place.

This is where segmentation comes in; i.e. creating “buckets” for your buyers — whether they opted into a certain freebie, or got certain results from a quiz, or answered questions in particular ways on a survey, etc. — that place them in specific groups depending on their desires, goals, struggles, and buying habits.

While I understand the basics of segmentation, I’m no expert, but if you want to link up with someone who is: Ryan Levesque’s book “ASK: The Counterintuitive Online Method to Discover Exactly What Your Customers Want to Buy…Create a Mass of Raving Fans…and Take Any Business to the Next Level” is all about this. (That’s not an affiliate link by the way, it’s just a great book.)

Essentially, the goal of segmentation is to help you get extremely targeted with your messaging, so you’re not blasting out the same “Buy my thingie” email to 100% of your list when 98% can’t or won’t give a single damn about your offer. Segmentation allows you to focus all your energy on that precious 2%.

As a follow up to the value of segmentation: At an event I spoke at last month, I got to ask legendary Copyhackers founder Joanna Weibe, “What’s the biggest mistake you see people making in marketing?”

Her answer was: “Segmentation”.

So: You don’t have to take my word for it. But consider taking hers.

Way #5: Show up consistently, and with conviction. Demonstrate that you get it with words and deeds.

There’s this quote from legendary drag performer RuPaul that reads: “Know who you are, and deliver at all times.”

While this is a favorite principle of mine for success and general existence on this planet, it applies perfectly to marketing and personal branding, and the cultivation of damns in a crowded marketplace.

In order to show up and deliver, you have to know what and who YOU give a damn about, and share that with gusto.

You also have to know HOW you want to show up. Are you funny? Irreverent? Passionate? Incredibly sweet and kind? Are you a cynic? Do you see the beauty in all things? What bullshit are you tired of? What secrets are people not talking about enough?

If you don’t have the answers to the above questions yet, find them A.S.A.P. Then, go all in.

This will create a consistent vibe for your business which, along with the look and feel of your copy, graphics, and website, will make you both memorable, trustworthy, and an irresistible damn-magnet.

I should add: Consistency does NOT mean you have to play it safe or avoid taking risks. In fact, you must take them in order to make the right people give a damn about what you offer.

As one example, let’s talk about my girl Margo Aaron’s site, That Seems Important.

She took a risk with her website content. As founder and operator of The Arena, a mastermind for high-level business owners and marketers (which I just joined, by the way — and it’s awesome), she could’ve easily made her website parrot the same copy we’ve all heard 100 times.

“Do you want to make more conversions in your business?

Do you feel stuck in a sad hole of poverty?

Join my mastermind to have all your problems solved.

That will be $50,000 pls ty.”

Instead, Margo’s site makes about 50 self-referential jokes about marketing that only marketers will get. Check out the first few lines of her homepage:

This works to immediately turn off people who aren’t a fit for her, and turn onindustry pros who can’t wait to give her all their damns. Myself included.

… In fact I laughed so hard, and gave so much of a damn after seeing this website, I immediately tracked Margo down on social media and posted her website on one of my favorite writer’s groups to share the love.

In my opinion, the best marketers get sales, get strategy, and get the joke. And oh does Margo ever get the joke — and that’s how she shows up every single day.

The risks she took for it paid off in a lump sump of ALL of my damns. And I’ll keep buying whatever she’s selling.

Now please make no mistake: As with all marketing and promotional advice I offer, you need to give these ideas time to work.

You can’t plant seeds in the ground and throw Facebook ads at them until they sprout.

The same is true for your business.

In order for your mighty field of damn-givers to blossom, you have to ready the soil (give a damn about your peeps first), fertilize them (with the good stuff — not bullshit), water them, but not too much (give all the right stuff away at the right time), and tend to them every day (show up).

If you’re not ready to put in that kind of footwork? That’s OK. But all the shortcut tactics you’ve heard will only send you back to this square one eventually.

I’m pretty sure it’s in the Bible somewhere: The more damns thou giveth, the more thou shall receive.

And once you give ‘em? The more you’ll get in return with time.

It’s not just the best way to build a long-term, profitable, sustainable business.

I suspect it’s the only way there ever was.

Photo by Cory Woodward

We need to talk about the emotional experience of branding yourself as a creative, y’all.

It’s one of the most popular topics in all the writer’s groups I’m in.

Every few days it comes up again:

“Why is branding myself so hard?”

“Why does it take so long?”

“Whenever I have a good idea, someone points out it’s bad, and I immediately deflate!”

That last one is especially huge.

You probably know the feeling.

You have an idea that’s SO GOOOD that you think over for days and get more and more excited. It works in so many ways! There are so many different ideas you could plug into it. It’s so smart and pithy and and and —

Then you show it to someone and… they promptly riddle it with holes.

So you cry a lot and go back to the drawing board.

Ugh. It’s my Achilles heel too!

But can I tell you a secret?

This is also why when I know in my gut something’s good-but-different, I sometimes don’t tell anyone until I put it all out there so it makes sense in context.

The title of “The Wordshops”? I didn’t tell anyone for a year.

Photo shoot concepts? Silencio.

Structure for my Wordshops sales video? The only people who knew about it were me and my videographer.

Blog posts? It’s just me and Medium.

Why?

Because imagine if Picasso showed his first attempts at cubism to a fellow artist who said:

“That’s so ugly. I don’t get it. No one will like or buy this. Where’s the poetry? Where’s the feeling?!”

I suspect we’re not actually all BAD at branding ourselves as pro creatives. It’s just hard to define ourselves without the protective layer of someone else to take on the consequences for whatever we come up with.

Here’s a truth to chew over: Everyone’s a critic and folks won’t always get it.

After all: Why do we always tell clients not to show the final product to 50+ people before launch? Because there’s such a thing as “too many cooks in the kitchen”.

(And no offense, but your Aunt Barbara who told you your logo was dumb doesn’t know the first thing about branding.)

There were, are, and will be moments when you’ve gotta trust what’s right.

That’s what personal branding as a creative and artist is overall, in my opinion. An exercise in deep self trust.

Prepare to do what you want that feels good and right, develop a stomach for the potential range of responses, and you’re good to go.

Sure you’ll fail sometimes, but the wins will be THE WINNIEST.

All this to say: I love other people’s opinions, but sometimes?

Screw other people’s opinions.

Your personal brand is PERSONAL. Play around. Break rules. Rattle cages.

Experiment and see what works without letting someone else in on it too soon.

See what happens.

Photo by Jeff Weller

2017 in HWeiss Landia was, above all, a year of talking and writing about things I genuinely give a damn about.

(It was also a bizarre, tumultuous, topsy turvy, exhausting year for a number of us — but one of the greatest gifts of being alive and creative at a time like this is the response it inspires, and the quests it sends us on.

I can’t speak for the rest of the world, but in my case, 2017 seems to have flipped on my “transparency switch”.)

Of course, there was other stuff happening beyond my intimate relationship with my keyboard and my blog, too.

I put out a course. I released 50% of my clientele. I spoke on stages in Brooklyn, Austin, and Phoenix. I spent a ton of time talking to newbie writers, and veteran entrepreneurs. I stopped taking sugar in my coffee.

But more than that? Sometime early last year, when I stared at my semi-populated blog, I realized something: I was bored.

Omg. Sooo bored with what I was writing.

Don’t get me wrong — I enjoyed all the pieces I wrote before 2017 began; they felt deep and gratifying and important to pen.

But I was spent. I’d felt I’d hit all the “stuff copywriters/writers should write about” notes I wanted to hit, and felt ready to move on.

But what was next? I wasn’t sure.

So I tilted my platform a little bit, and decided to scrub away the “Serious writers talk about This Serious Thing” must-do’s on my list, and started gabbing more about the stuff that mattered to me — about experiences, about point of view, personal philosophy, and creativity rather than conversions and sales.

(Not that I ever talked too much about those two things — but there are about a billion extra smart people who do. So if that’s what you’re looking for, head over here or here.)

That began to leak into everything I did; from my blogs, to the way I taught, to what I shared on podcasts and interviews.

So, after spending the last couple of weeks chewing the cud away from my desk, I decided to take a peek back at the things I wrote and said in 2017 — and the tales behind them.

What was I most proud of?

What surprised me?

What did I wish I’d done differently?

And now in the spirit of the only roundup season NOT involving cowboys — A.K.A. END OF YEAR ROUNDUP SEASON IN THE BLOGOSPHERE — I present these musings to you.

Without further ado, I present the 10 favorite things I made in 2017 — and the stories behind them.

Thing #1: I hopped on The Copywriter Club Podcast for an interview.

To date, this is probably the strongest interview I’ve ever done on the subject of copywriting.

I say that both because on this blessed interview my accursed “ums” and “yknows?” are fewer and farther between, aaaand because my parents listened and immediately called to excitedly tell me that finally, after 6 years, “We have a better idea of what you do now!”

One thing also missing from this story, however, was that I showed up to the interview 15 minutes late and flustered as all hell. I’d gotten the time of the damn interview wrong. Blessedly though, Kira Hug, co-founder of The Copywriter Club and an old friend of mine, pinged me to find out where I was before banishing me from her roster forever. So the Hillary you hear here is a little extra anxious, but extra excited to be there all the same.

This was also the first time I’ve ever talked in-depth about the connections I make between the music I love and the words I write — and no one laughed at me or called me a stupidhead. That felt unexpectedly awesome.

“I think music, in that sense, music can teach us a lot as writers, because when you get to a certain point with your writing and your craft, it doesn’t necessarily become about the individual words or even the sentences. It’s about texture and rhythm, and you see things more in block form.

You’re thinking about it in a sense of how people are going to react to these ideas, not just the ideas themselves, and I think hip hop is a great example of how to do that.”

You can listen to the full interview or read the transcript behind the link.

Thing #2: I wrote On creative shame: The agony of knowing when something sucks (+ 3 strategies for getting over it).

This post was probably the least-read of the entire year, but it was still near and dear to my heart.

I’d actually written the first draft of this post at my former business partner’s kitchen table on a snowy afternoon in 2014, but it was much darker, and much more shame-faced than the version you see here.

Since then, time has not only made me tougher when being open about failure, but it’s forced me to continue to face it down and acknowledge when it happens so I can learn the most from it.

This post was also a chance for me to talk about my, uh, background in writing fanfiction, and how it helped me get some creative faceplants out of my system early.

(This was much to the delight of Copywriter Club Podcast co-host Rob Marsh, who is determined to find my old fanfiction pen name to this day. I can assure you: He will never succeed.)

“The opposite of creative shame is creative courage. And you can’t have one without the other.”

You can read the full post right here.

Thing #3: I wrote “What it Takes”.

This was the first in what would unwittingly become a series of pieces on the reality of entrepreneurship and the more physiologically and psychologically painful effects of pushing oneself to the limit.

It popped into my head at 10 PM on some busy Tuesday. My partner was out with co-workers for the night and so I used those extra few hours to do what I often do when I’m given the wiggle room of additional time:

I was working late.

At the time I was putting the finishing touches on my course and launch plan, and figuring out how to restructure my business.

I was not feeling good. In fact I was so tired I felt almost ill… but I had to keep going.

It’s a piece on willing things into existence that I’d probably rewrite knowing what I know now, and seeing where it led me— but it’s a piece I’m proud of all the same.

“Sweat begets ease eventually, if you know where you’re going.

That’s why, for every nauseous moment on your living room floor, for every sobbing dancer collapsing just offstage, there are 100 moments of pride, accomplishment, and certainty in one’s own abilities.

For every question of “Why do I do this?” the answer comes back the same, but stronger: “You can quit. But if you love yourself, and the future you’re creating enough, you won’t.”

You can read the full post right here.

Thing #4: I wrote “The Persistent, Precious Habit of Self-Belief”.

Some posts take time and effort to chip away at, while others flow out of me like clear, cold water. This post — and also the only piece I wrote in June of this year — was the latter.

I wrote this one after comments from a friend forced me to examine why the hell I always keep going.

It’s not as though Imposter Syndrome or self-doubt pass over me. In fact, I’m beginning to suspect I’m one of their favorite targets. But the struggle against such demons isn’t ended by a sudden magical eradication of the hate and disappointment and shame that threaten to eat you up.

It never ends. We can never win — only hold the line.

So the question becomes: How do we do that?

And the answer is… what I wrote about in this post.

“There’s the old adage you’ve seen on countless inspiring statues and high school senior quotes:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.”

Similarly, self-belief is not the absence of self-doubt.

My self doubt is my grey ghost, the monkey on my back. It is excruciatingly painful, and it comes complete with limitless energy and an unstoppable will to slow me down so it can eventually tear me apart, piece by piece.

I had no choice but to find a way to stand against it — or I’d surely perish.

But it didn’t feel heroic to me. It didn’t feel strong. Some days it feels like hanging from a penthouse balcony by my fingertips.”

You can read the full post right here.

Thing #5: My Creating & Launching an Online Course interview on The Wonder Jam Podcast

Despite the fact I recorded this interview with Allie & Adam of The Wonder Jam on the first day of The Wordshops launch…

Despite the fact I’d gotten barely any sleep the night before…

Despite the fact I’d slept so little because I wound up sleep walking that night for the first time in my life…

… This interview was still one of the best things I recorded this year. Not only because I adore The Wonder Jam (they designed the sales page for The Wordshops), but our interview turned into open season on connecting pop culture to branding mastery.

That’s right: They let me riff on two of my favorite icons the world loves to hate — Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.

“ Hillary tells us about how Kim Kardashian has informed her as a business owner — “She’s a branding master, she just is.”

#Onemoretimeforthepeopleintheback

You can listen to the full interview right here.

Thing #6: I wrote “The Worst Way to Price Anything Ever, from Someone Who Fell into the Trap”.

Possibly the only “traditional” business-y piece I wrote this year was sparked from a conversation I was having in one of my writer’s groups.

A discussion on rates and pricing was illiciting responses of:

“I just don’t think I’m worth that much…”

“Who would pay me that?!”

And (most importantly):

“I could never afford that. I can’t even think about it.”

Off went my writerly spidey-senses, and out came the words — all about the sneaky reason WHY so many creatives undercharge, and what to do about it.

“But in reality? I’d priced myself so low because I was afraid.

Terrified actually.

I was afraid of people rejecting me, laughing in my face, and pointing out that I didn’t have anywhere near the experience levels to charge anything even remotely resembling a higher-end price point.

I was afraid of being seen as a fraud, overcharging and under delivering, and generally getting too big for my britches.

All of that was bullshit of course.”

You can read the full post right here.

Thing #7: Director Juliet Warren and I made this video for The Wordshops sales page.

Revelation of the year: BEING ON VIDEO IS FUCKING DIFFICULT.

Especially when you’re selling a thing that’s yours.

Fortunately, I had my dear friend and brilliant creative Juliet Warren by my side who carried me through about 3 hours of totally unusable scripted footage that I singlehandedly ruined by looking down at my makeshift telepromter, and into a version borne of some handy Q&A.

I think this version works way better anyway.

“I wish someone had told me when I was getting started that my strangeness, the way I choose to speak about things, the slang I tend to use, the language I discuss things with when I talk to my clients — that all of that mattered. That all of that was supposed to be coming through in my copy. Because if it doesn’t? Then you’re getting lost, and the last thing you wanna do is get lost.

Because you have people who need you, who’ve been waiting for you. And if you don’t introduce yourself properly? They’re not going to be able to find you.”

You can watch the full vid on its own behind the link.

Thing #8: I wrote “No, You are Not Too Young to Start a Business”.

While this is another piece that falls into the “under-seen” category from earlier this year, it’s a topic near and dear to my heart.

I spend a lot of time chit chatting with young business owners, and every single one of them worry their lack of experience outweighs their youthful exuberance and eager desire to serve and succeed.

Short story: I started my business when I as 22 and green as a string bean.

Long story: In the long term — that actually ended up helping my business more than harming it.

Entrepreneurship, at its core, is an extended exercise in both self-trust and self-reliance (and, in some awkward hotel lobby moments, self-depreciation).

That means the only person who will ever know if you can really do this is… you.

(Not your parents, or your best friend, or your current boss. You.)

The only person who can be certain you’ll put in the work to create the success you want is you.

The only person who fully understands your instincts, skill set, and determination level is you.

So, what do you think? Are you ready, according to you?

You can read the full article here.

Thing #9: I wrote “On my Deep Misinterpretation of Mental Toughness”.

This post was a big, fat, squirmy, 9-minute-read uncomfortable practice in vulnerability for me.

Because guess what happens when you spend an entire year working as hard as you possibly can, physically and mentally?

Surprise. You burn out, and you burn out hard.

This post took me weeks to write. I kept coming back to it, and hiding from it. Peeking at it through the hands over my eyes, and leaning closer to listen in despite the fact my fingers were firmly in my ears.

And while this was the only post this year that made me wince before hitting “Publish”, the conversations it started to spark were incredible. My inbox and Facebook comments filled with stories, particularly from women, about working themselves into hospital beds (then proudly working from those hospital beds), about bodies crumbling while deadlines were still being hit, and about hitting walls with such an impact it took them 6 months to recover.

So while it wasn’t the most natural thing to share when I pride myself so publicly on my own mental strength — it made me realize that sometimes hard work just can’t be the only route.

But when I’m at my desk, doing my work? I’m titanium. A steamroller. The god damn Punisher, baby.

All I have to do is keep my eyes forward, put my blinders on, and march. I don’t bitch and moan, I (rarely) melt down, and I don’t take overwork personally. If I agree to something, I get it done.

How do you eat an elephant, they say? One bite at a time.

And boy, was I proud of it.

That’s the nuttiest thing about deteriorating mental health as an entrepreneur:

Burnout is hard to spot from afar because you feel you’re required to be blind to it.

We also don’t realize there’s a fine line between working hard and working ourselves into a delusional, exhausted mess.

You can read the whole article right here.

And finally, Thing #10: I wrote “8 Observations from a Crumbling Niche — And How to Avoid Getting Crushed”.

If there’s a collection of “posts that took on a life of their own” somewhere on the internet, I’d like to submit this to them for review.

This piece on the present and future of marketing in my chosen industry, borne of one comment I left in a FB group, and about 90 minutes of expansion on the points, quickly soaked up close to 20,000 views in the space of a couple of weeks.

It was unexpected. And kinda scary. And awesome.

Unexpected because it was such a quick, fiery piece to write, and because the topics discussed in this piece are not news to anyone who’s been in my industry a while. In fact some of them have been issues for years, they’re just getting hard to hide behind closed doors.

Kinda scary because I knew the people I was talking about in the post would read it… and I didn’t want to make anyone feel badly about themselves. I just wanted to tell the truth. But I also spent a few anxious nights worried I’d written myself out of a career.

Awesome because hey, who doesn’t like feeling like an “online influencer” for a whopping 5 days or so — like the things we’ve seen and said matter, confirming suspicious, putting hearts to rest, and are changing the way people look at things.

(Oh — and pissing people off. That was part of it too. But how good that feels varies moment to moment, and can sometimes stay stuck in the “fucking awful” position for prolonged periods. #Iamnotabadass)

But suffice it to say, of everything I’ve written, this was my most popular piece, as well as my most satisfying.

Sometimes when you say what’s on your mind, when you say what you’re seeing and what’s worrying you — people listen. And that just might be one of the best feelings around.

It certainly makes years spent in front of your laptop as a cog in so many digital machines feel less lonely and drone-like.

“It’s a running joke (among copywriters especially) that the biggest industry names are often the hottest messes on the back end… but I’m not sure it’s very funny anymore.

Even more worrying: These gigantic, nebulous “build your business online and brand and market yourself like a pro because that totally doesn’t take years to learn” programs are still being sold at high-ticket prices while their information hasn’t changed much from 2, 3, even 5 years ago.

And in a space that moves this quickly from one impactful strategy to the next?

That’s. Not. Good. Enough.

The people continuing to sell programs know this. Everyone who passed 9th grade Economics and learned about the law of diminishing returns knows this. Some just willfully ignore it.

We have to do better. We have to set an example. Especially if we claim to honestly give a damn about our “tribes”.

That’s why I’m writing this. As professionals in the space, it’s our duty to speak up, call stuff out, and discuss what’s not working anymore.

I’m also sharing this because my particular industry puts sales strategies and funnel tactic lifespans into fast motion — so if it’s not happening in your niche currently?

It may be soon… though hopefully at a slower, steadier pace than the current tidal wave of challenges facing marketers/brands/businesses where I hang out.”

You can read the full piece right here.

Now: I’m not usually one to self-deprecatingly wax on about WHAT A NAAAAARCISSISTIC PIECE I JUST WROTE I’M SUCH A MILLENIAL — but writing my own roundup kinda felt that way.

So now I’m curious: What made YOUR top 10 list?

Stuff you wrote or made, or stuff you read, watched, or listened to?

Drop 1, or all 10, in the comments below. I’d love to check ’em out.

(And oh right — as promised, a pop culture 2017 roundup is also en route. But strangely, that may take a little more time.)

But in the meantime: Happy New Year, friends. May this year teach us all the lessons we wish to learn.